Friday, March 11, 2011

I'm like a rebel without a cause.

My parents have always viewed me as an adult. I was independent, able to take care of myself, and they acknowledged that fact by letting me make my own decisions. Because of this, I have never felt the need to rebel.  There was simply nothing to rebel against; I have never had a curfew, never been grounded. When I leave the house, no one asks where I'm going. It is pretty hard to break the rules when they don't exist in the first place. 

I suppose most teenagers feel that need to rebel because otherwise, they are too dependent. If you don't make your own choices throughout your entire childhood, how will you take care of yourself when you're suddenly alone in the real world?  At least breaking rules and making mistakes leads to learning. However, like I said, I don't feel compelled to make stupid decisions. I never have, instead living vicariously through my friend, the girl who sends me drunken texts while at a party or calls me in a panic when she's tripping out on whatever drugs she was given. Whenever she would ask me if I wanted a drag or tried to convince me that it really is fun to get hammered with a bunch of strangers, I would decline, forever the designated driver. 

Being the responsible one has had its benefits. I've always been trusted to make the right decision because I have an excellent track record. This has led to a level of freedom that my friends can't even comprehend. Plus, people really respect my opinion. Adults actually listen to me when I speak, and my peers trust my advice. This is something that really only comes with maturity, which I assume is the reason that I don't see the point in the mindless fun of rule-breaking. 

You can probably see this coming, but things changed tonight. My friend was smoking a cigarette, and instead of acting like it was mandatory for me to have one as well, she casually offered it. That had to be the breaking point. I don't respond well to pressure; if I originally don't think something is a great idea, trying to bully me into it will not change my mind. However, when it seemed like an opportunity as opposed to an order, I thought, why not? Sure, I don't plan on it becoming a habit because it is extremely unhealthy, but I live for experiences.  Maybe I'm too curious of a person, but I like to form my opinions based on personal experience over prejudice. 

Now, my hair smells like smoke. 

I feel pretty apathetic. Fortunately, I didn't embarrass myself by coughing or anything, but I don't think it really enriched my life in any way. It didn't taste good or bad, and the filter kept it from burning my throat. Honestly, I felt nothing. I expected to absolutely abhor smoking, as I always thought it was such a disgusting habit, but I didn't hate it.  On the other hand, I don't feel compelled to smoke ever again. I'm sure my lungs will thank me.

1 comment:

  1. :( Have a cup of tea. And skype your friends. This is what I do.