Sunday, April 24, 2011

I'm not awake enough to think of a title.

I literally just posted a blog five minutes ago, but I immediately felt the need to write something a little more lighthearted, so here we are.

In my opinion, running into someone I knew when I was younger is one of the all-time weirdest experiences. They always completely clash with the image I've been mentally hoarding of them, because obviously they've been growing up just as much as I have. Though I am aware of this fact in theory, it is still a surreal thing to realize that kid who concocted a plan to disprove Santa Claus with me is now a drug dealer. The boy who would only talk about squirrels for a year was recently arrested for shop-lifting. The little girl who ate glue has an STD. These are facts that are quite difficult to compute; it is within these scenarios that I find reality most jarring. I try to remind myself to think of people complexly, but putting these images of people side by side can be a little shocking. When I wasn't privy to the gradual stages that turned them from the children I knew into angst-ridden teenagers, it seems almost impossible that they're the same people. A girl who I knew in kindergarten is pregnant, and though it is completely illogical, my first reaction went along the lines of, "What?! She's pregnant? But... she's only five!"

Maybe the people I knew as a child are just especially fucked up, but I think this phenomenon has probably occurred for everyone. I wonder how I measure up to the image people retain of me as a child?


Shit, it feels like a lifetime since I last blogged.

I'd like to say that I've been too busy completing quests and having fancy adventures (aka, actually experiencing things as opposed to just writing about them), but the truth is, there has simply been nothing to report. I'm at a stand-still; my life is lacking new ideas, dreams, and people. I feel as if I have mentally put everything on hold, and it is finally beginning to scare me.

In other news, what about me screams, "THE OTHER WOMAN"?  Do I possess some innate quality that makes me only attractive to men that are taken? I would understand if I had attracted one lone pair of straying eyes, because hey, it happens. Relationships are difficult to maintain, and commitment is not an ability born within us. It takes work for everyone, and when someone is not quite satisfied, it's a near-impossibility to keep from looking for what's missing in someone else. Not that that is the only reason that people cheat, but... wait. I am straying from the point here. Complaining, right.

Several guys with girlfriends have expressed physical interest in me, and quite frankly, I do not understand it. Single boys never hit on me, but the ones who have girlfriends keep up a constant flirtation. Why? What could possibly be causing this?

My working theory is that it's my attitude about dating. The last thing I would ever be looking for is a boyfriend. I don't think I could find the right guy for me by searching for him; in the end, the only way I would ever commit is if I finally met someone who made me feel inclined to do so. Otherwise, I am perfectly content with just enjoying myself, without feeling societal pressure to be with one person. You can enjoy spending time with someone without owing them all of your time and thoughts, or really any control over your life in general.

(I don't think I articulated that very well, but whatever... I'm exhausted. I use this blog to sort out my thoughts, so I don't find it necessary to apologize for poor quality. :P)

Anyway, this attitude is obviously very different from that of whatever guy's girlfriend. I am essentially the polar opposite of any girl who demanded commitment, and therefore I am desirable. People tend to crave the qualities that their significant other is lacking, and that's where I come into the equation. Of course, I don't go around describing my feelings about this topic to everyone I meet, so these guys couldn't possibly know. I must just radiate a chill aura, or something.

Also, if a guy actually had the opportunity to cheat with me, I'd never demand that he break it off with his current girlfriend and commit to me, because I don't want a boyfriend. Maybe that's why?

Nothing was resolved in this post, but then again, it hasn't been resolved in reality either. C'est la vie.