Wednesday, October 26, 2011

I'm baaaaaaaack (in a scary, Halloween-type voice)

... so. Um. It's been a while.

I have a million and one excuses for why I haven't blogged in four months. Both of my parents moved into new houses, and instead of hiring professional movers, they had me do most of the muscle work.  I have three part-time jobs, and am about to interview for a fourth one.  Instead of graduating in May of 2012, I am completing both semesters of my senior year simultaneously so that I can graduate at the end of December this year.  And yet, if I'm being completely honest, none of these are the real reason why I have been neglecting my internet outlets.

The truth is, I have been feeling really shitty. As in, my mood swings could rival a woman in her ninth month of pregnancy.  I'm stressed out for obvious reasons, and it doesn't help that the relationships most dear to me have been falling apart for months now.  Whenever I even begin to think about my life, all I want to do is complain, and that is not why I have this blog.  I refuse to be the poster child for teenage angst; I fully recognize that my life is awesome.  As an incredibly fortunate person, there is no excuse for me to bitch to the internet about how much life sucks.

In my leave of absence, I consumed three tubs of frosting (minus the cake).  In other words, I gained about seven pounds and my face is full of acne.  The point of this post is that I'm ready.  I'm ready to lose those pounds that purely consist of chocolate and cream cheese frosting, get rid of my clogged pores, and improve my attitude.  Cool things happen to me all the time, and what can I say? I'm a narcissist.  I want to talk about them.

Man, it feels good to be back. xx

Sunday, June 26, 2011

Chutes Too Narrow

I'm told that everyone experiences that feeling, that impulse. The need to just go, go somewhere, go anywhere.

Well, I did it.

At 1am on June 25th, 2011, I climbed into the front seat of my car with nothing but determination, adrenaline, and a little hysteria. There was no plan in mind, no ultimate destination. No one knew where I was going, not even me. I have never felt more free than in that moment.

Of course, that's when I began to scare myself. While taking the ramp to the highway, I felt an urge to toss my phone out the window and never look back. I wanted to rid myself of all of my artificial connections to the world and the relationships that I never quite put enough effort into maintaining. I could be cleansed of my pointless responsibilities and develop new ones that actually matter to me in a whole new place.

After having these thoughts and yearning for all of the possibilities, I panicked a bit. I am extremely close to everyone in my immediate family, and it would kill them if I was just gone. I could never do that to them, no matter how tempted I was. Plus, there is the fact that until I turn eighteen, I would essentially be homeless. And, you know, it makes no sense in general and would never work. I would be hunted down and dragged back home, forced to face the hostility of everyone I'd tried to leave behind.

So instead, I tweeted. I used twitter as a way to alert my friend that lives in another country, another continent even, to the fact that I'd lost my mind. Though I was too irrational for any sensible analyzation of my thoughts to be possible, I think I just wanted someone to convince me to go home. Just about anyone would have tried, but the fact that he was too far away to actually be able to make me turn my car around was comforting.

In retrospect, I feel absolutely terrible for worrying him. I basically scared all of my friends shitless, as I was clearly having some sort of breakdown. Even at the time, I felt incredibly guilty that everyone was so concerned, but I couldn't bring myself to turn around. I chose the most selfish route I have ever taken in my life by simply moving forward.

I drove for thirteen hours, with nothing but my thoughts and The Shins accompanying me. I only got out of my car three times; twice to fill up the fuel tank, and once to look out across the hills below me in West Virginia. Driving in the pitch-black of 1am, the hazy almost-sunlight of 5am, and the too-bright yellow of 12pm in one single, pointless, solitary roadtrip was the most amazing experience. I don't even know how to articulate what I was feeling, but it was the best night/day of my life.  I suppose I was searching for some sort of epiphany, and I definitely feel as if I found it, just maybe not in the way that I expected.

Don't get me wrong, I am not advocating doing something irrational and irresponsible that will freak everyone around you the fuck out. I'm just saying, I can't pretend that I regret my spontaneous decision to just get in the car and follow the road by nothing but instinct.

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Before I turn 18...

So, my eighteenth birthday is on December 7th. This means that I have just under six months before I legally become an adult. I've decided to make a list of things that I hope to accomplish before I reach that milestone.

1) Milk a cow
2) Sew a quilt... or at least start one.
3) Paint a mural
4) Go cliff-diving (or jump off something really high; I won't be too picky about this one)
5) Roll down a hill in a hotdog suit
6) Participate in a flash mob
7) Sell something that I have made to someone who isn't, like, my mom.
8) Meet one of my internet friends IRL
9) Attend a nerdy convention
10) Shoot a bull's-eye with a handgun
11) Be a part of a fundraiser for a nonprofit organization that I support
12) Help someone accomplish a goal that is important to them
13) Break one of my many bad habits
14) Create my own recipe that actually tastes delicious
15) Fill my scrapbook
16) Put effort into a video to the point where I can be proud of it
17) Be able to run a mile in eight minutes without wanting to die
18) Give someone the perfect gift, not for a holiday but just because
19) Improve my posture to the point where I can walk around with stuff on my head
20) Learn how to do a cultural dance. Or Thriller.

Some of these things are going to be difficult. If I can't cross them off before December 7th, I will just put them on my bucket list... which I don't actually have. I guess I would have one then?

Thursday, June 2, 2011

So someone who watches my YouTube videos drew a picture of me.

My expression is quite possibly the most hilarious thing I have ever seen. I love people on the internet. :D

Tuesday, May 31, 2011

I have absolutely nothing to say...

so here is a slightly perplexed looking screenshot of me wearing panda-print footy pajamas from earlier today.


98 degrees

As if the heat wasn't an indicator, today the people in my neighborhood proved that summer has finally arrived. I never realized how annoying a season can be until I got my driver's license.

Nothing tests my patience like driving through a neighborhood in the summer. Between the children running amok in the street, the joggers, the roller-bladers, the bicyclists, the women walking with strollers, the kids on mopeds, the skate-boarders, et cetera, et cetera... it is a wonder I haven't hit anyone. Because of all of these potential victims, you have to drive sooooo sloooooowly. But no matter how slowly you're going, you will still get screamed at by parents who act like you jumped the curb and drove onto their lawn going 60mph, intent on running over their child. It doesn't matter if your car is basically crawling, overprotective parents will freak out.

Ugh. I just can't even.

It must be the heat that makes the (nonexistent) speed so frustrating. Throughout the next couple of months, I'll basically be reduced to an angry puddle of sweat on a daily basis. It happens every year, but I'll try not to let it affect my blog too much... cheerfulness might be a stretch, but I'm aiming for general whimsy. We'll see. :P

Sunday, May 29, 2011

Cool story, bro.

Last night, I neglected the pact that I made with myself... I didn't post on here. I don't feel all that badly about it though, considering my power was out, making blogging a virtual impossibility.

This is as good of a time as any to show you the true extent of my paranoia, a phenomenon brought on primarily by an overactive imagination and watching far too many crime shows on television.

I was innocently watching 500 Days of Summer in my bedroom, mentally preparing myself to write the most insightful blog post in human history, when suddenly I was enveloped in darkness. It took a second for me to comprehend that my power had actually gone out and that I was not, in fact, abruptly afflicted by blindness. After the initial shock passed, the fear began to creep over me. For some unknown reason, I held my breath for a full minute, hoping that the electricity would immediately turn back on (I still have no idea why I thought breathing would impact this). When it didn't, I flat-out panicked.

Here is my honest-to-god logic: it isn't raining, so a murderer must have cut my power.

To avoid being murdered for as long as possible, I began using the light from my laptop to try and find my cell phone. I was attempting to silently text my mother without alerting the criminal to the fact that I was on to him/her/it, but there was only one problem... I couldn't find my phone. Clearly, the murderer had somehow managed to steal it to keep me from calling the po-po.

And that's when I lost my cool. I made my way slowly out into the hallway, keeping my eyes peeled for any suspicious movement. "Mom?" I called into her open bedroom door.
"Yeah?" She replied groggily, her voice already lacking patience. We are not a family that enjoys being woken up for anything short of an emergency (which clearly, this was).
"Are you aware that the power is out?" I asked calmly, trying not to let anxiety to creep into my voice in case the murderer was listening.
"Oh. That's weird," my mom responded, clearly not impressed by the urgency of the situation. "What do you want me to do about it?"
"Protect me from the serial killer that is obviously outside?" I was growing exasperated with playing it cool at this point.
That got her attention. "What? Honey, it's probably our entire area. Have you looked to see if anyone else has power?" Mom asked sensibly, sounding much more alert in response to my obvious concern.
"Hardly! I'm not going out there. That's where the murderer is lurking."

This conversation could only go on for so long before my mom was forced to get out of bed and figure out what was actually happening. As it turned out, my entire town had lost its power. I still have no idea why, but the good news is, I'm still alive. Hooray!

Friday, May 27, 2011

Dat ass.

"Hey, did you see that girl's ass? I saw that girl's ass! Did you see it?"

Honestly, it is a bit of a relief to report that no, this was not the first time that a human of the male variety checked me out. Though I would feel a little awkward if I was blatantly ogled by every guy I passed, it is nice to be occasionally noticed. However, this announcement was a little extreme.

My friend and I were walking along the sidewalk at our local outdoor mall, barely noticing as a pack of boys (whose age I estimated to be roughly junior-high) strolled past us. They did not capture my attention until one of them began yelling at the top of his lungs, "Did you see DAT ASS?"


Don't get me wrong, it's not that I was offended. Despite my rather unflattering jeans, my ass is quite lovely, thank you very much. I was more just blindsided by this approach. What was the intended effect? Did this kid hope that I would turn around and respond, "You noticed my ass? Wonderful! Please, I must have you right here on the sidewalk!" Maybe if he was a little older and more attractive... or, you know, maybe not.

That kid is going to get bitch-slapped at least once in his life if he ever says that to a girl who is easily offended. Fortunately for him, I just laughed as I asked my friend, "Did that seriously just come out of his mouth? And was he talking about me? Because these are hardly even my good jeans."

Thursday, May 26, 2011


Tonight, my friend and I went to the latest available showing for Hangover: Part II. The theater was sold out, the aisles crammed pack with adults craving a couple hours of raunchy humor. But at least for me, as soon as the trailers began playing, the confusion set in.

It was a preview for The Smurfs, followed by Mr. Popper's Penguins, Judy Moody, et cetera, et cetera. I kept shooting my friend befuddled glances, whispering "What the fuck?" after every single one. I could not comprehend why advertisers would possibly think that trailers for children's movies were appropriate before Hangover. And then... Kung Fu Panda began to play.

There was an instant uproar. People were shrieking about refunds, and one man attempted to lead a revolt by suggesting that everyone turn on their cell phones in protest. As this rebellion started, my friend rushed out into the lobby to alert an usher or someone to the problem at hand. Everyone else continued to bitch at the top of their lungs, yelling, "Why the fuck would a showing to Kung Fu Panda sell out at 10:00 at night?" No one could answer this question, but after about twenty minutes, the trailers for the correct film began to roll.

After all this drama, we walked out of the theater about forty-five minutes after the movie was technically supposed to end. I could still hear people griping about it as I walked out to my car, but seeing as the wind was blowing my skirt up around my waist, I was pretty glad that everyone seemed too distracted to notice.

As for the actual film, it was better than I expected. The original was so shockingly hilarious and unpredictable that there was no way the sequel could match it without over-doing it, but I appreciated the effort. Though it was obviously only made as attempt to financially prosper further from the first one's popularity, I don't feel like I wasted my money. I was positively rolling throughout, though one aspect to the end (no spoilers) still makes me shake my head in frustration. IT MADE NO SENSE. It's so hard for me to keep from spoiling you right now, but I'll refrain. Urghh.

Oh, and I feel the need to mention: Bradley. Fucking. Cooper. Yummmmm.

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

House hunting

My dad and his girlfriend recently put their house up for sale, and today I tagged along as they went house-hunting. My family has moved about fifteen times since I was born, so this was definitely not a new experience for me. That said, this time the entire process felt... strange.

When opening your house to potential buyers, your life is essentially on display. People open every cupboard, every door, trying to imagine their own belongings in place of yours. They judge your taste in decoration, discussing how they can "fix" the choices you have made. All of the things that make a house your home are viewed in new terms, such as "a good usage of space".

I find this so unsettling. I don't like looking around at the components of someone's life and imagining my own possible future there. To be honest, I can't even explain why. This feeling goes completely at odds with the other half of my brain, which loves the possibilities of looking around a home and envisioning what my life would be like if I were to move there.

I'm probably only overanalyzing the entire process because I already felt weird about it. This is the first time that I have looked at a house with my parents, knowing that I would not be living there with them. By the time they get settled in their new house, I will be living on my own, either in an apartment or a dorm room. What would have been my potential bedroom is now a potential guest room. This was one of the first situations that has really provoked the realization that I won't live with my parents forever. Weird.

Meh, I felt like rambling today. Sorry about that.

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

A brain freeze on steroids

For the past couple of days, it has felt like there has been an active construction site going on in my head. Every time I open my eyes, it feels like my brain swells to about three times its size, threatening to burst open my skull.

Migraines have been a constant struggle in my life since elementary school. They are often so painful that I physically cannot seem to get out of bed and even attempt going about my daily routine. Instead I lay with my face buried in my pillow, hoping sleep will provide an escape from the pain.

Not today, my friends. Though it seemed like my brain was throbbing to the beat of my heart as soon as I opened my eyes, I stumbled out of the safe haven that is my bed and went to work. Sure, my hair was the same frizzy mess it had been when I awoke, and I may have been wearing my pajamas. Still. It was a victory, and I will celebrate it as such.

Katey - 1, Migraines - 5,000,000

Okay, so it was only one battle in the war against my ailment. Whatever. I'm proud of myself for rising above it, despite the fact that I spent the entire day contemplating plucking out my eyes to release the pressure.

Monday, May 23, 2011

Can I get yo digits?

There are effective methods of giving a guy your phone number. I'll go out on a limb here and say that the best way is to wait until he actually, you know... asks for it. However, patience has never been my strong suit.

Filling the void where patience should be, I have always possessed an abundance of craziness and awkwardness. The discomfort of people around me tends to be a direct result of the combination of these traits. With this in mind, today I'm going to tell you two stories that demonstrate how not to give out your phone number.

Numero Uno

In the autumn of my sophomore year of high school, I was an obnoxious not-quite-sixteen-year-old. I implore you to keep that maturity level in mind as I relay to you my actions on that fateful afternoon.

Every October, the Indianapolis Zoo decorates for Halloween and puts on themed festivities. While riding the train that takes visitors around the park, volunteers will perform skits at each stop. My best friend (Mallory) and I were able to ride the train a limitless amount of times for free, one of the many perks of being a zoo intern. This was the only time that we ever exercised that right in excess, all to gawk at a particularly attractive volunteer.

The first time that we rode the train, we simply had a little time to waste. The skits were all ridiculously cheesy, but our laughter and mocking commentary kept us plenty entertained. And then... we saw him. The clouds parted and light shined down on a man so sexy, he could only be a Greek god. Or maybe he was just "the Prince" in a cheesy skit based on The Little Mermaid. Whatever. Either way, when we reached the end of the tracks, Mallory and I decided we still had "soooo much time to kill" that we might as well ride it again.

The second time that we rode the train, I shamefully admit that we may or may not have made inappropriate catcalls along the lines of "Ow OW!" There may have also been some whistling involved.

The third time that we rode the train is the reason why this story is relevant. Mallory scrounged up a piece of paper and a pen, and we wrote each of our phone numbers under the labels "Blonde" and "Brown", giggling all the while. We then proceeded to fold it up and chuck it at this poor guy as we passed. It was only after the fact that I realized: we had not even supplied our area codes.

Numero Dos

Nowadays, Mal and I frequent Steak 'N Shake, as it is the only establishment open late at night in my town. About two weeks ago, we ended up chatting with our extremely cute waiter. It was his first day, and he sheepishly admitted that we were only like his tenth table.

Last night, we were back in our usual booth. We were seated in a different waiter's area, but Mallory kept catching his eye and smiling. When she had cleared her plate, she wrote her number on it in ketchup, labelled "For *****". We witnessed him laughing and attempting to copy it on a piece of paper as we left, but the numbers were nearly impossible to decipher.

So. Here's my advice:
a) If you decide to throw your phone number at someone from a moving train, it might be best if you include all of the digits. You should also probably avoid referring to yourself as the incorrect terminology for your hair color.
b) When writing with condiments, it's best to allow yourself enough space to actually be legible.
c) If you prefer not to make an ass out of yourself, avoid doing these things. They never turn out well.

A goal that is attainable, but just barely

So, it has been almost exactly one month since I have posted anything on this blog. I feel slightly ashamed, mostly because I started so many entries just to surrender to the jumbled mess that is my thoughts and admit defeat. I had no idea how to even begin to articulate the things that I wanted to say, so I just didn't say them. That is an embarrassing fact, and I am going through an abrupt change as we/I speak. No longer will I almost break the backspace key in frustration as I clear away my half-assed attempts to express myself.

It may be shocking that I am capable of making further delusional promises to myself, but this next (rather grandiose) one was inspired by the revelation that I had about two minutes ago: I am sick of letting my days blend together as if my life is bland and uneventful. Every single day, something significant happens. Therefore, I plan on blogging about said significant situations/thoughts/whatever every single day. Probably until I die... or maybe not.

I might as well establish some exceptions to this new plan right here and now, just to avoid future shame, embarrassment, and rambling apologies similar to the one that is currently happening. If I simply do not have time to blog one day (because yes, my life is craaaaaazy enough for that to occasionally be a problem wink wink), I will write two entries the next day. This isn't BEDA; I can skip a day if I see fit. So... there. The other exception that is coming to mind right now is when I'm traveling. I cannot guarantee that I will be able to update this while on my many adventures (don't smirk at me! I go places), so I suppose we'll just deal with that when the situation arises.

This is going to be such a bitch. I immediately regret my decision, but... see you tomorrow.

** OH. I should probably go ahead and make it a general rule that midnight is not a factor. If I haven't gone to bed yet, it's still the previous day to me, so it counts. Yeah.

Sunday, April 24, 2011

I'm not awake enough to think of a title.

I literally just posted a blog five minutes ago, but I immediately felt the need to write something a little more lighthearted, so here we are.

In my opinion, running into someone I knew when I was younger is one of the all-time weirdest experiences. They always completely clash with the image I've been mentally hoarding of them, because obviously they've been growing up just as much as I have. Though I am aware of this fact in theory, it is still a surreal thing to realize that kid who concocted a plan to disprove Santa Claus with me is now a drug dealer. The boy who would only talk about squirrels for a year was recently arrested for shop-lifting. The little girl who ate glue has an STD. These are facts that are quite difficult to compute; it is within these scenarios that I find reality most jarring. I try to remind myself to think of people complexly, but putting these images of people side by side can be a little shocking. When I wasn't privy to the gradual stages that turned them from the children I knew into angst-ridden teenagers, it seems almost impossible that they're the same people. A girl who I knew in kindergarten is pregnant, and though it is completely illogical, my first reaction went along the lines of, "What?! She's pregnant? But... she's only five!"

Maybe the people I knew as a child are just especially fucked up, but I think this phenomenon has probably occurred for everyone. I wonder how I measure up to the image people retain of me as a child?


Shit, it feels like a lifetime since I last blogged.

I'd like to say that I've been too busy completing quests and having fancy adventures (aka, actually experiencing things as opposed to just writing about them), but the truth is, there has simply been nothing to report. I'm at a stand-still; my life is lacking new ideas, dreams, and people. I feel as if I have mentally put everything on hold, and it is finally beginning to scare me.

In other news, what about me screams, "THE OTHER WOMAN"?  Do I possess some innate quality that makes me only attractive to men that are taken? I would understand if I had attracted one lone pair of straying eyes, because hey, it happens. Relationships are difficult to maintain, and commitment is not an ability born within us. It takes work for everyone, and when someone is not quite satisfied, it's a near-impossibility to keep from looking for what's missing in someone else. Not that that is the only reason that people cheat, but... wait. I am straying from the point here. Complaining, right.

Several guys with girlfriends have expressed physical interest in me, and quite frankly, I do not understand it. Single boys never hit on me, but the ones who have girlfriends keep up a constant flirtation. Why? What could possibly be causing this?

My working theory is that it's my attitude about dating. The last thing I would ever be looking for is a boyfriend. I don't think I could find the right guy for me by searching for him; in the end, the only way I would ever commit is if I finally met someone who made me feel inclined to do so. Otherwise, I am perfectly content with just enjoying myself, without feeling societal pressure to be with one person. You can enjoy spending time with someone without owing them all of your time and thoughts, or really any control over your life in general.

(I don't think I articulated that very well, but whatever... I'm exhausted. I use this blog to sort out my thoughts, so I don't find it necessary to apologize for poor quality. :P)

Anyway, this attitude is obviously very different from that of whatever guy's girlfriend. I am essentially the polar opposite of any girl who demanded commitment, and therefore I am desirable. People tend to crave the qualities that their significant other is lacking, and that's where I come into the equation. Of course, I don't go around describing my feelings about this topic to everyone I meet, so these guys couldn't possibly know. I must just radiate a chill aura, or something.

Also, if a guy actually had the opportunity to cheat with me, I'd never demand that he break it off with his current girlfriend and commit to me, because I don't want a boyfriend. Maybe that's why?

Nothing was resolved in this post, but then again, it hasn't been resolved in reality either. C'est la vie.

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Let me see if you can run it, run it.

Today, I ran three miles.

No, it wasn't toward a hot dog stand, or away from a zombie. I'll be honest: I joined a gym. It's an even worse sign of the apocalypse than if I had been chased down by a gang flesh-eating zombie pirates.

There were many factors leading to this investment, the main one being my stubborn ass friend. She has always been on the larger side due to genetics and a fondness for lounging around, but after developing a significant crush, she wants to lose weight. As any lazy person knows, it is difficult to find the motivation necessary for exercising without a partner there to annoy you. Apparently, that's where I come into the equation.

We decided that "early" morning (for us, 9am is like the break of dawn) would be the best time to work out, if it had to happen at all. Hayli was about twenty minutes late this morning, so I got on the treadmill without her. Typical. By the time she arrived, I had already run a mile, which equaled me desperately wishing someone would just take me out of my misery. Another mile later, I was ready to crawl out to my car, wheezing as I went. Unfortunately, Hayli wasn't quite ready yet, and convinced me to run yet another mile.

Kill me now.

This wouldn't be so bad, except the exact same thing is going to happen tomorrow... and the day after that. And the day after that. For the rest of my life.

Am I being dramatic? Sure, of course I am. That's my innate nature. The point is, I don't enjoy exercise. Some people may find it therapeutic, but I am certainly not one of them. Complaints aside though, I really do think this is a positive development in my life. And it can only go uphill from here, right?

Wednesday, March 23, 2011


When did behaving disrespectfully become okay?

My best friend has recently been a victim of cyber bullying. Considering her situation and the Rebecca Black phenomenon occurred simultaneously, this issue has been frequenting my thoughts as of late. I have endless complaints about that type of behavior, many of which have been covered by other (video)bloggers concerning the uproar of trolling that followed "Friday". However, something that I haven't seen discussed but still can't understand is the point of expressing such hatred through rudeness.

What possible benefit could these people get from making someone feel worse about themselves? It makes no sense to me. People commented on "Friday", telling RB that they hope she cuts herself and dies. Let's just take a moment to consider that. If she really did kill herself, would the person who left that comment feel better about their own lives, or even the world of music in general? I certainly hope not. So why post something so offensive in the first place?

My lovely friend's peers have been tweeting insulting things about her. I won't go into specifics, but beyond my defensive anger on her behalf, I mostly just feel baffled. What was the intent? If these tweets made her cry, would that make them happy? Really? I have never, not once in my entire life, wanted to make someone feel insecure or question their self-worth. Obviously, these people aren't really considering the possible ramifications of their actions. Choosing to insult someone in a public forum such as the internet, where you can never really take it back, is never the right thing to do. It is immature, disrespectful, rude, et cetera et cetera.

So why do people do it? In what way does it improve their own lives? Hurting someone else's feelings never really makes anyone feel better about themselves. I can't comprehend how it would be in any way satisfying. I believe in constructive criticism, but there is a clear difference between that and unwarranted insults.

Just... gah! Be classy, people. Think before you type.

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

I don't deserve a driver's license.

I am the worst driver. Ever.

This realization hit me as I was making a video for my YouTube channel today. I swear, all I ever talk about is car trouble and Disney films. I had always considered myself an average driver, but suddenly it donned on me that I am wayyyyy below par. 

Just look at my track record:

- In the first month after I received my license, I got pulled over because my brights were on. When the officer informed me of this, I exclaimed, "I have brights?!" 

- Later that month, I hit a car in a parking lot. There was no damage, but still. It was not a proud moment for me.

- During my third month driving, I totaled my car. The truck that I hit had zero damage, but the front of my Jetta crumpled like an accordion. 

- Last month, someone hit me and then drove away. Five minutes later, I got stuck in a snow bank. 

- Three days ago, I backed over an extremely large television. It scraped up the side of my vehicle, and the TV might as well have exploded. 

I haven't even been driving for a year and a half. This is not the most impressive resumé, I admit. Throughout the first six months, if anyone asked me for a ride, I would say, "Sure. But, as a disclaimer, you might die."

Friday, March 11, 2011

I'm like a rebel without a cause.

My parents have always viewed me as an adult. I was independent, able to take care of myself, and they acknowledged that fact by letting me make my own decisions. Because of this, I have never felt the need to rebel.  There was simply nothing to rebel against; I have never had a curfew, never been grounded. When I leave the house, no one asks where I'm going. It is pretty hard to break the rules when they don't exist in the first place. 

I suppose most teenagers feel that need to rebel because otherwise, they are too dependent. If you don't make your own choices throughout your entire childhood, how will you take care of yourself when you're suddenly alone in the real world?  At least breaking rules and making mistakes leads to learning. However, like I said, I don't feel compelled to make stupid decisions. I never have, instead living vicariously through my friend, the girl who sends me drunken texts while at a party or calls me in a panic when she's tripping out on whatever drugs she was given. Whenever she would ask me if I wanted a drag or tried to convince me that it really is fun to get hammered with a bunch of strangers, I would decline, forever the designated driver. 

Being the responsible one has had its benefits. I've always been trusted to make the right decision because I have an excellent track record. This has led to a level of freedom that my friends can't even comprehend. Plus, people really respect my opinion. Adults actually listen to me when I speak, and my peers trust my advice. This is something that really only comes with maturity, which I assume is the reason that I don't see the point in the mindless fun of rule-breaking. 

You can probably see this coming, but things changed tonight. My friend was smoking a cigarette, and instead of acting like it was mandatory for me to have one as well, she casually offered it. That had to be the breaking point. I don't respond well to pressure; if I originally don't think something is a great idea, trying to bully me into it will not change my mind. However, when it seemed like an opportunity as opposed to an order, I thought, why not? Sure, I don't plan on it becoming a habit because it is extremely unhealthy, but I live for experiences.  Maybe I'm too curious of a person, but I like to form my opinions based on personal experience over prejudice. 

Now, my hair smells like smoke. 

I feel pretty apathetic. Fortunately, I didn't embarrass myself by coughing or anything, but I don't think it really enriched my life in any way. It didn't taste good or bad, and the filter kept it from burning my throat. Honestly, I felt nothing. I expected to absolutely abhor smoking, as I always thought it was such a disgusting habit, but I didn't hate it.  On the other hand, I don't feel compelled to smoke ever again. I'm sure my lungs will thank me.

Thursday, March 10, 2011

I am the queen of inappropriate reactions.

I laugh... at everything. No matter what emotion I am feeling, if it is strong or unexpected, I burst out in a hysterical fit of laughter.

So, my mom got laid off from her job today. She worked at Sallie Mae, a company that mainly dealt with student loans. For the past year or so they have been struggling as a business, and therefore have had to "terminate the working contract" of people in waves. Every previous time people were going to lose their jobs, rumors would begin circulating at least a week in advance. Their supervisors would then inevitably break the news on a Friday. Well, it's just my mom's luck that she would lose her job on a Thursday when no one had any inkling that it would happen.

When she got the news, she called me. Her voice was surprisingly cheerful when I answered, seeming as if she was simply having a slow day at work.

As a disclaimer, I absolutely detest idle phone conversations. When I receive a call from someone who should be aware that I am busy, I tend to get a bit impatient. This was apparent in my voice as I snapped, "Hello?"

"Hey, honey, are you at home?" my mother asked breezily. She sounded as if she was trying not to laugh, like someone in her vicinity had just cracked a joke.

Her inquiry made me instantly suspicious, assuming that she needed some sort of a favor. "No, I'm at work," I replied, my voice abrupt. I work the same hours every day, and yet we seem to constantly have this exact same conversation.

"Oh, okay. Well, I got laid off this morning," she told me, maintaining her upbeat tone of voice.

I didn't even skip a beat before saying the first thing that popped into my head. "But... it's not even Friday." Then I laughed. That has to be the worst way I could have reacted to her news, but I am ashamed to admit that this is exactly what happened.

Fortunately, my mother is basically just an older version of me, so we tend to react to things in the same way. She cracked up right along with me, assuring me that she will be fine. Her severance package is great, and she already has a couple of interviews lined up. I came home about an hour after this conversation, and we have spent the rest of the day together, erupting into giggles for no reason at all. Maybe we don't react to bad news in the healthiest way, but at least we haven't been reduced to puddles of tears. It is a lot easier to remain positive while laughing irrationally, as opposed to moping around all depressed. Right?

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

It's like eating a tree.

I am experiencing the strangest craving right now... salad. Maybe that isn't such a notable occurrence for everyone, but it definitely is for me. I loathe salad. Okay, that is a little melodramatic, but it's not something that I would typically pick out to eat. And yet, right now I am debating on driving around in search of a twenty-four hour grocery store. My deepest wish of the moment is to fill a bowl with something healthy and then smother it in fattening dressing, just to balance it out. My body might go into shock because of the change from my normal diet, aka cheez-its, popcorn, and ice cream washed down with coca-cola.

I thought writing these thoughts down might stop them from taking over my brain completely, but it seems to have had the opposite effect. I'm considering going outside and munching on the nearest tree. Am I losing my mind? Possibly.

Have you ever had a simple culinary craving drive you insane? It tends to only happen to me when I am majorly stressing out. Now that I think about it, it is probably a subconscious distraction tactic. Like I'm so focused on whatever problem I am dealing with that suddenly an image of a certain type of food pops into my head, sure to take over my thoughts completely and help calm me down. Or maybe I'm just obsessed with food, a guarantee that when my metabolism inevitably slows, I will gain around a thousand pounds.

On the other hand, I can't help but think that this is a sign. I need to at least attempt to be healthier, as opposed to sitting on my ass, eating raw spaghetti and blogging. Wow, actually typing that made it evident that I have hit rock bottom without even realizing it. How embarrassing. Clearly, the fact that I would actually rather be eating lettuce than chips right now is my body warning me that it's all downhill from here if I keep on this path, eating everything in my way.

Or maybe it's just a craving. Yeah, I'm definitely reading too much into it.

Thursday, March 3, 2011

Ever been haunted?

So, I have this eerie feeling that I am being haunted by a squirrel.

I know, I know, I sound totally insane. All I ask is that you hear the whole story before you call the nice people in the white coats to come cart me away.

While I'm driving, I always swerve slightly to avoid hitting anything in the road. Live animals, dead animals, Burger King bags, leaves... you name it. If it is in the street, I will spaz out slightly and miss it. (Sure, maybe that makes me an irresponsible and dangerously erratic driver, but that is not the point of this tale.) Well, my streak of never hitting anything while behind the wheel ended this afternoon on my way home from work.

It wasn't alive, just to clear that up. Yes, I am aware that most people disregard road kill, but I found it absolutely sickening to accidentally drive over it. Throughout the rest of the short commute home, I calmed myself down enough to stop gagging, and that's when I heard it. There was this really creepy sound that I couldn't quite place coming from somewhere in or around my vehicle after I'd parked in my driveway. I've never heard a squirrel make a noise before, but I swear, this was totally squirrel-speech for "I'mma get you, bitch!" Am I being overdramatic? Maybe a tad.

Anyway, it just got weirder. At about eleven at night, I was driving from my dad's house to my mother's, when all the streetlights turned off. After a moment in total darkness, they came back on, but began flickering and turning off one by one as I passed them. I swear, it was like a scene from a horror film, brought into my life.

Okay, okay. I don't believe in ghosts or spirits, so it is a sheer impossibility that a dead squirrel could be hunting me down. All I'm saying is, if I never post anything again, you know who (or what) the culprit is. TTFN until next time (hopefully).

Saturday, February 26, 2011

The Bonding Process

Warning: this blog post is mainly me gathering my thoughts, which will undoubtably not be at all interesting. You might as well stop reading here; I won't hold it against you. :P

Lately, I have spent far too much time mulling over the process of getting to know someone, and how much technology has complicated things. When you are already comfortable with someone and know them fairly well, you can imagine their inflection while reading a text message or IM. However, when talking to an internet friend textually, it isn't necessarily as easy for them to pick up on sarcasm or understand your sense of humor. It's hard to get past that without being accustomed to each other's voices. Sigh.

I guess this concept has been plaguing me because my thoughts tend to take a much more formal manner when being written out than spoken aloud. Maybe it is my rigid journalistic training taking effect? Whatever the reason, I just seem so rigid via text, like I need to chill the fuck out. Ugh. I guess the difference is that while physically hearing my words, it becomes obvious that I never take myself seriously. Without being able to recognize that tone in my voice, my writing conveys that I need to lighten up. This has become increasingly apparent, and it just... sucks.

In other news, I literally just finished The Hunger Games trilogy. HOLY SHIT. That is all I have to say until I organize my thoughts; otherwise I'll be reduced to a rambling mess while attempting to convey exactly how much I love that series.

Sunday, February 20, 2011

I bet my friends are more ridiculous than yours...

I don't even know how to describe my night without listing the events in bullet point form; they're just too ridiculous. I need new friends.

- After observing the uncharacteristically warm weather for February, I decided that I shouldn't be wasting away the evening alone in my house. I texted two of my friends, and we agreed to meet at one of their houses.

- The house that we decided on is in the middle of a cul-de-sac, meaning that the curb curves rather drastically. It is difficult to park unless you have a driveway at your disposal, and my friend Hazy decided that she could do a better job than me. Mere seconds after getting behind the wheel, she speedily reversed into a mailbox, knocking it clear over.

- My other two friends, having heard the crash, came racing outside. We spent about five minutes in hysterics, trying to decide how to best handle the situation, before determining that we should simply re-bury the mailbox. We had to dig the original hole deeper, and it took more than twenty minutes to get the ground compact enough to keep the mailbox up.* (The entire time, we were whispering frantically, as if we were burying a body or something. I blame the fact that it was in the dark.)

- As soon as it had been determined that Hazy had not damaged my car and that the mailbox would stay put, we hurried inside to play about two hours of Dance Dance Revolution. It was glorious, considering we are four of the most awkward girls you will ever come across.

- Hazy and I spent at least half an hour looking up clips of Spike from Buffy the Vampire Slayer, trying to convince our friends that he is the most delicious creature to ever exist. Ever.

- We ate this strange bacon banana pepper pizza that apparently Bulgarians like? At least, my Bulgarian friend and her family are obsessed with it. I'm not sure how universal that is. :P

- Somehow Vassi (the girl whose house we were at) convinced us to get in the jacuzzi, something that none of us wanted. We had about an hour of idle girl talk, giggling over subjects that I am highly ashamed to have discussed. Could we be any more stereotypical?

- I had an allergic reaction to chlorine, struggling to breathe. We then played more DDR.

- Hazy and Vassi researched everyone we have ever met on Facebook, because they're creepy like that.

- I went home and watched at least two hours of Friends.

- I then stayed up until six in the morning reading the second installment of the Hunger Games trilogy.

I AM SO EXHAUSTED.  Mehh... goodnight. (:

*Edit: It eventually fell over during a thunderstorm, but we paid for it.

Saturday, February 12, 2011

Oh, the woes of standardized testing.

Today was a very traumatic event... I took the ACT.

It's not like I think I bombed it or anything; in fact, I'm sure it went fairly well. As an extremely logical person, I tend to score highly on exams. That said, the actual test-taking experience still sucks. I get distracted pretty easily, my mind focusing on a hundred different random thoughts at once. Concentrating on one stupid test for five hours is not exactly my idea of a party.

What made this experience worse than any previous exam I have taken is the pressure to score well, combined with the lack of ways to prepare. I brought eleven pencils with me, solely because it was the only aspect I could control beforehand. Usually I feel rather apathetic when a test is coming up, and I have virtually no experience studying. The ACT and SAT are such an important part of college applications that I actually felt anxiety for what I'm pretty sure is the first time ever, at least regarding a test. I hate this feeling; in the grand scheme of things, I am of the firm belief that one measly standardized test should be of no consequence to my future. Considering I am in no control of the way the world works, I have spent way too much time lately fretting. God, I can't wait until my scores come in and the suspense is over.

I am mentally exhausted; this post probably makes no sense at all. It's probably best if I just abandon recording my tangled thoughts here and go to bed. :P

Thursday, February 10, 2011

Mailllllll. (Did that seem Blue's Clues-ish, or no?)

This week, I ended a major part of my life: I quit my internship at VYPE High School Sports magazine. There were several reasons behind this decision, the main one being my hectic schedule. It was becoming more and more stressful, and when writing my articles seemed more like a hassle than a privilege, I knew it was over. Plus, I just couldn't bring myself to care about high school anymore, and I had never entertained an interest in sports. So, after over a year of gaining wonderful journalistic experience, I terminated my internship. 

While it is a relief to have more time to focus on the million other things I have going on, I feel... weird. Having both yearbook and the magazine out of my life completely is not something for which I was really prepared, and it scared me a little. I have always had writing in my life, and I have spent the past three years pouring my heart and soul into journalism. What could I possibly do without it? Sure, I have this blog as a writing outlet, but I have always written for a publication bigger than myself. I was a part of something, and it felt like I couldn't be a part of that world anymore. 

With all of those panicked thoughts whirling around in my head, I checked my mailbox today. After thumbing through bills and catalogs to find an envelope from Scholastic addressed to me, I opened it despite my assumptions that it was some sort of spam mail. Imagine my surprise as I read that I had been awarded an honorable mention in the Scholastic Art and Writing competition! Vague memories of uploading a rough draft to their website surfaced, though I never paid the registration fee to enter the contest. Apparently, I somehow managed to be a contestant anyway? 

This news could not have come at a better time. I realized that it is possible for me to participate in the writing competitions that have been such a large part of my high school years, even though I am no longer a member of a public school publication. I feel whole again... and now I'm done being melodramatic. :D 

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Why, karma? Why?

After suffering from a severe case of boredom on Sunday, I filmed and uploaded this video to my personal channel on YouTube. Apparently, I bitched a little too much about my fear of flat tires and animal death, and not enough about crashes and weather-related disasters. I claimed to be less than concerned about hitting another car, a statement which my life decided to test.

On my way home from work yesterday, I was innocently sitting at a stoplight, waiting for the light to turn green. Suddenly, I felt a small bump, and it took me a moment to realize that I had been hit. The girl behind me had somehow managed to roll into my car, and out of what I assume to be sheer panic, she DROVE AWAY. You should never, ever flee the scene after an automobile accident, no matter how small. 

Fortunately for me, there was no damage, but I still thought it appropriate to grumble to myself about it throughout the rest of my journey home. Apparently, I was focused more on being irritated than I was on how carefully I should drive on the icy neighborhood roads, because I lost control of my car and lumbered into a small snow bank. After trying everything under the sun to dig it out, my family and I gave up a losing battle and left my car there to brave the lonely night. A day later, we are about to attempt to push it out, a plan that I'm sure will go smoothly... except probably not. This is about to be embarrassing.* 

Basically, the moral of the story is to never accidentally challenge karma. They call it a bitch for a reason.

EDIT: No, pushing the car out of the snow did not work, and yes, it was slightly embarrassing. We had to call a tow truck to come to the rescue. 

Sunday, February 6, 2011

Party? I'd rather do laundry.

It seemed almost as if everyone in America was at a Super Bowl Party today, with me being the exception. Even the people who aren't interested in football attended a gathering solely for the commercials or the company, but apparently I am just too cool for that. Forgoing the opportunity I had to be with actual people today, I chose to lounge around my house all by my lonesome, thinking about doing chores. I managed to accomplish making a video about nothing, throw a couple loads of laundry through the washer, and eat a thousand doughnuts. My life, right thurr.

I don't actually have anything real to say today, but finally uploading a video to my personal channel inspired me to create a quick blog post. Here it is, so Katey OUTTTTTT.

Thursday, February 3, 2011

Once more, with feeling.

As a loyal follower of Kristina Horner's internet endeavors, I was pretty stoked when she filled out a Buffy the Vampire Slayer Survey. I hadn't finished the seventh season yet when she originally posted it, but now I finally feel qualified to give fair and honest answers. Here goes!

(This will include spoilers from the entire series. You've been warned.)

1. The first character I fell in love with: Prepare to hear a lot about Willow, because she was my favorite character throughout the series. It began with love at first sight; she was just so awkward, and I wanted to kick Cordelia's ass in that first episode for the manner in which she treated Willow. While in high school, she was so adorable with her overalls and her eskimo costume... plus she was brilliant and not afraid to show it. I also loved the way that she managed to never take out her unrequited love for Xander on Buffy, even though that must have been such a painful situation. Basically, she was the first character that I fell in love with because, well, I don't understand how anyone could help themselves. :P (I absolutely fell in love with Buffy as well, but then again, I fell in love with everyone.)

2. The character I never expected to love as much as I do now: I feel like Anya and Andrew are going to be two characters that come to mind for most fans. It's pretty much inevitable. 

With Anya, it honestly surprised me that she returned after her first appearance as the main antagonist of an episode. She then proceeded to drive me crazy, with her pushiness and her offensiveness and just ugggghhhhh. But then, somehow, she managed to grow into this hilarious character that provided insight into every situation through her blunt honesty. She just could not help but give a running commentary, which I grew to love. I had never thought they would develop her character as much as they did, but as my view of her increased in complexity, she became one of my favorite characters. Though she did not understand why her friends insisted on sticking around for first row seats to every apocalypse that came to town, her love for them caused her to stay by their sides. That is a beautiful thing. Her fear of bunnies was something that never failed to crack me up, and I was a little sad when they replaced her rabbit costume in the opening credits. Also, it would be a crime if I didn't mention the episode that made me recognize how much I had grown to love Anya: "The Body". Her speech moved me to tears in a way that was unexpected from Anya. 

Oh, Andrew... he was another character that I thought would appear in a couple of episodes, but never grow to be prominent enough to be a favorite. I despised his relationship with Warren (my flood of hatred for Warren must have spilled over to encompass Andrew as well), and when Willow was attacking the Trio, I seriously wanted her to kill off Andrew just to get him to shut up. He didn't deserve to be Jonathan's friend, and it's not even like I hold Jonathan in the highest regard. These feelings all began to change when Andrew was taken hostage, and he grew to be nothing but hilarious in my eyes. I laughed much harder at his little remarks and references than was probably necessary, and I adored his attempt at vlogging. In the last few episodes, Andrew managed to join the ranks of my favorite characters, a feat more impressive when I consider that he didn't even have time for his character to truly develop. 

My love for both Anya and Andrew was reinforced by their interactions with each other in the final couple of episodes. They provided much comic relief in a very intense time, which I could not help but adore.

3. The character everyone else loves that I don’t: Why the fuck did Angel deserve his own spin-off series? I'll probably end up watching it at some point, but seriously. He had no real personality. Honestly, I liked him a lot more as Angelus, because at least he had character traits! The only word that comes to mind to describe Angel is "bland". Wearing dark clothing does not make you brooding and mysterious, I'm sorry. I needed a little bit more to work with to appreciate his character, and much as I love Boreanaz, he just didn't deliver. Considering his lack of personality, I had trouble respecting his relationship with Buffy. What exactly was it that she fell in love with? His jacket?

4. The character I love that everyone else hates: I feel like I would need to know more about who everyone else hates to answer this question... I get the impression that people have a lot of disrespect for Dawn, which I find really unfair. At fourteen, she found out that a.) her family wasn't her family, b.) she wasn't human, c.) someone seemingly too powerful for Buffy to stop was trying to kill her, and d.) if she died, the rest of the world would basically follow shortly afterward. Her mother died, and then her sister sacrificed herself. As if this wasn't enough for a young teenager to deal with, her sister was resurrected but then seemed to wish she was dead. If Dawn held felt alone when Buffy was dead, it must have seemed so much worse when Buffy was alive but would rather be underground than with her sister. But apparently throughout all of this, she was too whiny for people to handle? Come on guys, let's try to be a little more understanding. :P

I also love Dawn's presence because she keeps Buffy grounded. As an only child, Buffy was always thinking about saving the world in general, but in a lot of ways she was selfish in the risks that she took. This contrasted deeply with her role as an older sibling, because she found out that love could override her sense of duty. She needed to be safe for Dawn, and I thought their dynamic was really interesting. Plus, the way that Spike cared for Dawn after Buffy's death really reinforced his love for her. Basically, I just think that Dawn was a great way to highlight traits that other characters possessed. 

5. The character I used to love but don’t any longer: I really need to stop agreeing with Kristina's answers, but I just can't help it. Amy was fascinating in the beginning, because the show first began to delve into the world of witchcraft through her. She was able to turn both herself and others into animals, which was awesome, but I found her personality even more interesting in the fact that she shape-shifted into a rat without knowing how to turn herself back from that form. Though it was an incredibly stupid thing to do, she took action to save her own life, something that demands some respect. The whole time she was a rat, I felt sympathy for her... well, the kind of sympathy that you feel when someone brought something terrible onto themselves. Whatever, the point is, I spent so much time waiting for something to happen with her character. I was just itching for Willow to turn Amy back, if only for plot continuation; I would have been so pissed if the series had expected fans to simply forget about her. Well, I thought I would be pissed; in retrospect, I wish they had kept her as a rat. Every minute she spent as a renewed human was a minute too long.

6. The character I would shag anytime: It would be nice to be unique and say something insightful or whatever, but I just can't bring myself to name anyone but Spike. Once they began developing his character, there was no one but Spike. He's so sexy, and yet when they showed the flashbacks of everyone who rejected him, this whole new pitiful layer was revealed. Would I want to be added to the list of women who hurt his pride? No. No I would not.

7. The character I’d want to be like: If I'm being completely honest, I would not want to be like any of them. I have such an intense level of love for most of the characters, but I don't envy any of their lives. I suppose if I could pick and choose traits as opposed to taking the whole package, I would want Buffy's ability to follow her instincts and Tara's overall loveliness.

8. The character I’d slap: OH GOD THERE ARE TOO MANY...

- Xander, when he lies to Buffy about Willow restoring Angel's soul. I'd also slap him over the whole Anya thing; I understand the realization that he didn't want to get married, but he handled it so poorly. Plus, making that decision based on fear of being a lousy husband or an alcoholic? Grow a pair, and actively avoid realizing those fears. Seriously. 

- Spike, when he attempts to rape Buffy. The whole situation was just too awful. 

- Drusilla and Harmony, in any situation. 

- Angel, just for being ridiculously cliche. 

- Andrew when he kills Jonathan. 

- Warren. Need I even give a reason?

I'll just stop there, but I have wanted to slap everyone at some point... except maybe Tara.

9. A pairing that I love: I adore Willow's relationship with basically everyone but Kennedy. 

- Willow/Tara: Oh my god. When Glory sucked the energy out of Tara's mind or whatever, Willow's handling of the situation was so beautiful. I will never forget the scene where Willow is feeding Tara, and she says that even if Tara never recovers, she will always be in love with her. "She's my girl." SO GOOD. Despite Willow's magic addiction and the way that it tore them apart, they could never stop being my favorite couple after that moment. They were so perfect for each other, and their love could not be affected by any tough circumstances. I found their relationship to be the most lovely, pure, and fitting of any on the show. 

- Willow/Oz: Though I don't see what they had in common, I adored the time before Oz left. All of the "Who is that girl?" scenes before they met were indescribably cute. Finally, someone could appreciate all of the quirky things there were to love about Willow. Plus, I believe Oz was detrimental to Willow developing self confidence and really discovering her true self. He also was the catalyst for Willow and Tara at last admitting their feelings for each other, which I see as a positive (obviously not for their romantic relationship, but for their friendship overall). 

- Willow/Xander: When Xander stops Willow at the end of season six, I just found it to be such a perfect scene. It really showed how pure their friendship was... in fact, Xander's entire speech was so touching and flat out spectacular. I also loved how the fact that they were truly best friends in a way that Buffy could never touch was subtly reinforced. A good example of this was when Xander lost his eye; Buffy had to be cold as the Slayer who had to make touch decisions, but Willow could just be Xander's friend. 

I'll stop there, but I essentially love Willow with everyone (again, except for Kennedy).

10. A pairing that I despise: Though Buffy and Spike are two of my all-time favorite characters to ever grace the television screen, I have to admit that I hate them together. They were just so impossibly toxic for one another, and their relationship was harmful and abusive. It hurt Spike in every way, and I just cannot bring myself to condone that. I just love their individual characters too much to enjoy watching them cause each other pain... it was too heart-wrenching to be bearable. 

Another pairing I absolutely despised is Willow and Kennedy. Though I mentioned it before, I just want to explain the reason behind my disapproval. Willow and Tara's beautiful relationship was such a positive step for the portrayal of homosexual relationships. I found her and Kennedy to be quite the opposite. It was like, "Oh, my girlfriend died! I'll just fall in love with the next lesbian that happens to be staying at my house." I can't help but feel that way... it was too soon, too rushed, and too convenient. I understand that they wanted to assure everyone that Willow wasn't just going through a phase; she really was attracted to women. After the negative response to Tara's death, I completely get the need to further establish Willow as a lesbian. But seriously? Kennedy was awful. She didn't respect Willow's magic, or the struggle that she was going through as a former addict. I found her pursuit of Willow to be borderline harassment, and then Willow fell for her? While she was still grieving, and despite the fact that the only thing Kennedy could relate to about her was coming out? Please. I may be completely out of line, but that was how their relationship came across to me.

11. Favorite male character (add a quote or favorite line): I wish I could pick someone other than Spike, but he was just too perfect. He was unbelievably hot, hilarious, and pathetic all in one badass vampire casing. Plus, he saved the world even before he was trying to be a hero. I don't even know how to fully articulate my love for him. 

"The torch I bear is scorching me, and Buffy's laughing I've no doubt. I hope she fries. I'm free if that bitch dies! I'd better help her out." - Spike

My favorite quote about him: 
"The only person I can even stand to be around is a neutered vampire who cheats at kitten poker." - Buffy

12. Favorite female character (add a quote or favourite line): A part of me wants to go with Buffy, but if I haven't made it obvious yet, I'd have to pick Willow. I'm too tired to explain... she's just Willow. I love her, even when her magic addiction is hurting her friends. Is that awful? Probably. She is the most fully developed of the characters, aside from Buffy. I think she is my favorite over Buffy because despite season six, I think Willow treats people better than Buffy does. 

My favorite conversation from the series is actually between Willow and Spike:

"I don't understand. This sort of thing's never happened to me before." - Spike
"Maybe you were nervous." - Willow
"I felt alright when I started... let's try again. OW! OH! OW! DAMN IT!" - Spike
"Maybe you're trying too hard. Doesn't this happen to every vampire?" - Willow
"Not to me, it doesn't!" - Spike
"I know I'm not the kind of girl vamps like to sink their teeth into. It's always like, 'Oh, you're like a sister to me' or 'Oh, you're such a good friend'." - Willow
"Don't be ridiculous. I'd bite you in a heartbeat." - Spike
"Really?" - Willow
"Thought about it." - Spike
"When?" - Willow
"Remember last year, you had on that fuzzy pink number with the lilac underneath?" - Spike
"I never would have guessed. You played the blood-lust kinda cool." - Willow
"Mmm, I hate being obvious. All fang-y and 'RRRR!'. Takes the mystery out." - Spike
"But if you could..." - Willow
"If I could, yeah." - Spike
"You know, this doesn't make you any less terrifying." - Willow
"Don't patronize me." - Spike

13. My five favorite characters: Willow, Spike, Buffy, Anya, Andrew.

14. My five least favorite characters: Warren, the Potentials in general (their personalities; the plot was wicked cool), Riley, Angel, Kennedy specifically.

15. Which character I am most like: There are qualities I possess from each of them. I have Buffy's leadership, Willow's nerdiness, Giles's role as the voice of reason, Xander's stupid jokes, Anya's bluntness, and Spike's aversion to groups. Overall I am probably the most like Tara, after her character stopped being solely Willow's stuttering friend. She was loyal, gave advice without being judgmental, was a little awkward as the new member of a group, and was shy in general. I wish I could be as lovely as she turned out to be, which is crazy because I didn't care for her much at first.

16. My deep, dark fandom secret: I waited ten years after the series finale to begin watching the series. That, and my hatred of basically every single Potential... how does everyone else feel about them? I thought the direction Whedon took that plot line was awesome, but their personalities were so disagreeable. Ugh. 

THIS WAS SOOOOO LONG.  Sorry, guys. :P

Please don't charge me with neglect.

I'm a little disappointed in myself.  As opposed to pretending I have an audience, I choose to blog/vlog for my own personal amusement... but still.  Both of these creative outlets have been lacking love lately, and I wish that the reason could be that I am just too busy with my wild and exciting life to record my antics on the internet. Sadly, the true culprit is a lack of adventures to report.

Don't get me wrong; I'm not complaining. My January of 2011 was fairly spectacular, in a relaxing-and-uneventful sort of way.  A lot of projects popped up in my life, and I am sure as they progress I will have a lot more thrilling thoughts and memories that I won't be able to help but share. However, beginnings tend to be somewhat slow, and this year was no exception. Here is a quick synopsis of my month, in bullet point form:

- My collab channel on YouTube kicked off on the first week of the year. Though we are still figuring out the dynamics of our project, I have high hopes for it. We are just getting to know each other, but as we figure out each other's boundaries I definitely foresee the creativity level of our themes and videos increasing. Mostly, it's just incredibly fun. :D Despite wanting to shirk my responsibility the past couple of Tuesdays, I managed to push through my laziness and upload. I am so proud of that newly discovered perseverance.

- I have a newfound love for science fiction television series. For years now, I have had a slight addiction to purchasing the seasons of my favorite shows and re-watching them. These included Friends, Gilmore Girls, and Charmed. Though the latter falls into the scifi category, mostly I adored realistic sitcoms that I found witty. Now, I have become obsessed with Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Smallville. My instant watch queue on Netflix is overflowing with other reportedly amazing science fiction shows that are just begging to peak my interest.

- I have adorned my white collar, joining the ranks of the employed. It isn't the most exciting job in the world considering it falls under the title of "data entry", but it pays well. I always appreciate the safety net of an income, allowing my constant worry of running out of gas money to diminish. It is a wonderful (albeit dull) development in my life. (:

- As I already stated in a previous entry, I am taking piano lessons. In an effort to avoid redundancy, I'll just say that it is amazing to explore a whole different side of myself. I am not musically gifted by any means, but I have never really delved into this type of expression before.

Like I said, this past month has been relatively uneventful. Though it might not seem like much on paper (or, you know, on blogger), it has also been completely excellent in every way. I hope things pick up and become a bit more exhilarating throughout the year, but a slow start never hurt anyone. Overall, I am perfectly content. :D

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

We came to warn you about the angry puppy.


This is what my life has become.

I get so easily addicted to storylines. Whether it is a book, a film, or a TV series, I always end up completely wrapped up in the plot. If I am reading a good book, I won't be able to put it down until I reach the end. If I am even somewhat interested in a movie, I will watch it repetitively until I completely grasp every little detail. If I find a show entertaining and the seasons have been released, I will watch episode after episode, day and night, until I have flown through the entire series.

Basically, I go apeshit over a decent storyline. The development of a plot and characters is like a drug to me. Buffy the Vampire Slayer is no exception to this... in fact, I may be the most enthralled that I have ever been by a television show.

Oh yeah, and anyone who thinks Spike is "beneath" them should be subjected to the most excruciating pain possible before a very dishonorable death. I LOVE WILLIAM THE BLOODY, and I am not even ashamed of it.

Monday, January 17, 2011

I've been Lombardo'd.

For so long now, learning how to play the piano has been an aspiration of mine. My mother's unused piano remained in my living room with the sole purpose of collecting dust... until today. Yes, today I finally began the learning process, because I finally found a teacher other than, well, myself.


Someone whom I have seen in concert, whose CD I have purchased, is my piano teacher. For basically $0.50 per minute, I am graced with his wisdom via Skype. It is SO WORTH IT. As someone who is not exactly musically gifted, I really feel like I'm going to learn something. Plus, I actually get to talk to one of my YouTube heroes, which is a pretty substantial bonus. Who cares if I sound like an idiot when attempting to figure out an instrument? It's not my strong suit. I have accepted it... somewhat.

Another musical goal of mine is to learn to play the guitar, which my friend has kindly offered to teach me. Spencer is not necessarily as exciting of a teacher as MiLo, but I'm pumped all the same.

Sunday, January 9, 2011

I'm all black and blue.

When I decide it is time for a change, I don't half-ass it. I am someone who is all about routine, but when I get bored, the change is always pretty drastic. Hence... my new hair.

For years now, I have been dying my naturally chocolate brown hair a dark auburn color. It usually faded fairly quickly, leaving me with light reddish-brown waves. Yesterday, I thought, "To hell with this!" and dyed my hair black with some electric-blue streaks in it. In addition to the shocking change in color, I added bangs and a ton of random layers. Personally, I think it looks awesome. (: Sure, my brother says I look "emo" now, but whatever.

Aside from my hair appointment, all I have been doing lately is school assignments. I'm kind of losing my mind. But, to break up the monotony, I have renewed my Netflix account! :D I had to put it on hold for about a year due to a lack of finances, but I can finally afford it again. As a movie enthusiast, I cannot even describe how excited this makes me. I just finished watching "Wristcutters: A Love Story", which was strangely wonderful. It is about a world where people go to when they kill themselves, which sounds horribly depressing. Somehow, they managed to morph a downer of a concept into an adorable love story, without being a cheesily appalling level of cutesy. It was just... good.

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

I wouldntwatchiteither.

I uploaded my first ningfighter video today. (:

The history behind our collaboration channel is a short and not-so-interesting one, but I will fill you in regardless. We met on a forum on the ning, the internet community formed by vlogbrothers. Zoë and Will were recruiting people for their channel, and they chose Dan, Sophia, and I out of everyone who auditioned. After procrastinating and procrastinating on coming up with a name, Will put us all out of our misery and just made the account. Thus, the ningfighters were born. :D
These people are lovely, interesting, and of course awesome. I am so thrilled to be included in this project with them. (:

Making my video today was somewhat of an ordeal. I went to sleep at nine o'clock this morning after a night of insomniac TV-watching, and groaned as I got up at noon for the grueling work of talking to a camera. I got ready, turned on my camera, and realized that I had no idea what I wanted to say. Wading through the exhaustion-induced haze that was clouding my mind was a struggle, and I would be lying if I said that I ever truly made any headway. Honestly, I rambled for about ten minutes, edited six out of it, and uploaded it without considering the state of my mind first. What a mess.
Don't drive drunk, don't call exes while high, and don't upload to YouTube while extremely overtired.

Abby: As the only person who reads this, I think you warrant a shout-out... 'ello there. :D


While brainstorming ideas for this blog, I have come up with several good ideas and what seems like a trillion bad ones. An ongoing goal of mine is to better myself (something I hopefully have in common with most people), and some of my ideas are conducive to that objective. Those are the ones I will focus on for the time being. (:

Every blog post will hopefully contain some sort of rant or rambling story, as that was the whole point of creating this. However, at the end of my tale of the day, it would be fun to track something. I have come up with several ideas specific to this, some of which are entertaining and others that have the potential of embarrassing me into breaking my poorer habits.
- film I watched
- song I listened to in my car
- photo I took

Amount of (so far in 2011):
- fast food meals
- glasses of milk
- bowls of Progresso chicken noodle soup
- teefury/threadless shirts purchased
- miles I ran

I'm still in the planning stages of coming up with my unique "thing" that I will have on this blog, clearly. What I have so far is generic and (I assume) unoriginal. This is all part of my typical process, where it takes a little time for the creative juices to flow. Hmmm... I'm thirsty.

Monday, January 3, 2011

Shoot me now.

Tonight I finally took the initiative to register for the ACT and the SAT. I take the ACT next month, and the SAT the month after that. OH GOD.

As a concept, I have been familiar with these exams for years. They have always been looming in the distance, a slightly nerve-wracking hurdle before getting into the college of my choosing. Suddenly, they're approaching at an alarming rate, and I doubt I could feel less prepared than I do right now. I have not taken any prep classes, or read any books on the matter, or even given it a serious thought. What a mistake.

Registering for these tests has sparked many unwelcome thoughts about the future, causing me to spiral into panic. I didn't prepare to take them. I don't know where I want to apply. I don't know what major I want to start out with, considering I don't have any idea what career would suit me. I don't know where I want to live, or what kinds of experiences I want to have. I don't know, I don't know, I DON'T KNOW.  I have never worried about these types of issues before, but I am lost on how to narrow my options, and that terrifies me. I used to view my open mind as an asset, but now it is causing me to be indecisive.  Aaaagh.

On a more pleasant note, I am making my first contribution to my collaboration channel on YouTube tomorrow. :D I am so thrilled to be a part of this project. Ideally, I will never run out of video ideas to go along with each week's respective theme, and everything will be wonderful... fingers crossed!

Word of the day: dendroid
Definition: Resembling, branching like, or shaped like a tree.

Saturday, January 1, 2011

A new blog for a new year...

After becoming hopelessly addicted to the "reblog" function on tumblr, I realized that I had discontinued any original posts by yours truly. It's difficult to call my tumblr a blog anymore, because admittedly I have ceased all legitimate blogging. Ergo, this was born.

So, where to start?

The new year, 2011 (or "11" as frezned christened it), has begun, demanding a fresh set of resolutions. Well, my faith in resolutions has been shattered, as I realized that I rarely keep them. Plus, why should my goals to better myself have a time limit? Ridiculous. With that in mind, consider these more life goals than resolutions.

- the 50 book challenge (okay, fine, that one is a yearly thing)
- dominate a new project every month
- actually upload a vlog to my YouTube collab channel every week
- travel as much as financially possible
- stop procrastinating? 'kay thanks.
- spend more time reading than browsing YouTube
- keep up with this blog! :D
- be healthier, in all areas
- rectify the insomnia situation
- have fun with photography again

I'm sure the only person who will ever read this is, in fact, me, but whatever. It's still fun, no?