Sunday, May 29, 2011

Cool story, bro.

Last night, I neglected the pact that I made with myself... I didn't post on here. I don't feel all that badly about it though, considering my power was out, making blogging a virtual impossibility.

This is as good of a time as any to show you the true extent of my paranoia, a phenomenon brought on primarily by an overactive imagination and watching far too many crime shows on television.

I was innocently watching 500 Days of Summer in my bedroom, mentally preparing myself to write the most insightful blog post in human history, when suddenly I was enveloped in darkness. It took a second for me to comprehend that my power had actually gone out and that I was not, in fact, abruptly afflicted by blindness. After the initial shock passed, the fear began to creep over me. For some unknown reason, I held my breath for a full minute, hoping that the electricity would immediately turn back on (I still have no idea why I thought breathing would impact this). When it didn't, I flat-out panicked.

Here is my honest-to-god logic: it isn't raining, so a murderer must have cut my power.

To avoid being murdered for as long as possible, I began using the light from my laptop to try and find my cell phone. I was attempting to silently text my mother without alerting the criminal to the fact that I was on to him/her/it, but there was only one problem... I couldn't find my phone. Clearly, the murderer had somehow managed to steal it to keep me from calling the po-po.

And that's when I lost my cool. I made my way slowly out into the hallway, keeping my eyes peeled for any suspicious movement. "Mom?" I called into her open bedroom door.
"Yeah?" She replied groggily, her voice already lacking patience. We are not a family that enjoys being woken up for anything short of an emergency (which clearly, this was).
"Are you aware that the power is out?" I asked calmly, trying not to let anxiety to creep into my voice in case the murderer was listening.
"Oh. That's weird," my mom responded, clearly not impressed by the urgency of the situation. "What do you want me to do about it?"
"Protect me from the serial killer that is obviously outside?" I was growing exasperated with playing it cool at this point.
That got her attention. "What? Honey, it's probably our entire area. Have you looked to see if anyone else has power?" Mom asked sensibly, sounding much more alert in response to my obvious concern.
"Hardly! I'm not going out there. That's where the murderer is lurking."

This conversation could only go on for so long before my mom was forced to get out of bed and figure out what was actually happening. As it turned out, my entire town had lost its power. I still have no idea why, but the good news is, I'm still alive. Hooray!


  1. This reminds of the frequent power and water shortages we have in Xi'an. And for crying out loud, I live in the more "affluent" area where the security guards keep the sidewalks free of beggars and the like.

    Oh, well.

    Glad you're fine.

  2. hahahahahaha this is perfect! i can totally relate. even though I don't freak out about the power going out, i freak out over other absurd things that actually aren't that absurd, but kinda are.... for instance, i once went on a run later at night, and all i could think about was the shadow man i kept seeing and how his only goal was to make sure i didn't see tomorrow.